Let me be, let me be
by Chibi Yachiru-chan
Summary: She just knows she hasn't felt this passionate about anything in a long time. No matter the passion is just hatred for a certain red-head. As they say, there's just a hairline difference between hate and...love? He just hopes to turn it around. [Continued into TatsuRen]
1. Chapter 1

**Dislaimer: I don't own Bleach. If I did, I wouldn't create amazing characters like Tatsuki and then treat them like shit. Really. She deserves better.**

**A/N: for good or bad, I'm back on ffdotnet. Writing fanfics that don't even make sense to me right now. Ah, I'm just hoping to clear my head enough to get down to updating the pending fics.**

**This is about how Tatsuki and Renji meet for the first time—in my head, of course. 'cause I ship them real hard and _both_ of them deserve so, so much better. I guess, it's more about just Tatsuki though.**

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Punch

She walks past the school building. Past the convenience store. Past the playground. Past the dojo. Then her feet freeze. At the fork in the road. She turns around. Walks back past the dojo. Past the playground. Past the convenience store. And turns left. Walking another mile or two extra won't hurt. At least not as much as walking past _his_ house would.

Arisawa Tatsuki isn't the kind of person to really hold onto things like that.

No.

But every time she walks past his house… she feels this helplessness, this unbearable hollowness inside of her. It almost makes her want to walk up to the door, crash into his place and beat the guy up black and blue. He's a moron after all.

But really… _every_ freakin' time she walks past that house… all she can do is clench her fists and run away as fast as she can. All she does is fight back the tears that are so lost on a person like him.

Kurosaki Ichigo… that guy is just so fuckin' clueless about how they feel. Mizuiro… Keigo… _her_. She almost, almost wishes he knew how she feels about him. But it's always just been that—an _almost_.

Does he not remember several of those times when she saved his ass from those class bullies in elementary school? Or those times when she'd find him sitting by the riverbank, alone, dwarfed in the shadows cast by that setting sun. She admits she couldn't do much to help back then. But at least she was _there. _And she has to admit she can't even do much to help him now. But is it fair that he won't even let her be there for him now?

She's walking past the immaculately maintained house of the Ishidas. Past the store where Chad works. Past the apartment building where Orihime lives.

Orihime… who somewhere along the line stopped being her 'best' friend.

There's only so much you can do when people stop depending on you. For good or bad—who really knows.

But it's almost funny how easy it is for people to find replacements for you in their lives. Almost as if you never really mattered. Almost as if you were never considered to be counted upon. Almost as if you were nothing more than… a hindrance.

She probably doesn't remember the reason why she let her hair grow. She probably doesn't remember those times they'd spent together eating cuisines with impossible ingredients.

She can protect herself now… she has even protected _her_. And there are so many other people she has who she can depend on after all this time. True, she can't do much to help them now. But is it really fair that they won't even acknowledge her anymore?

Has she not seen him suffer on the inside, powerless for those seventeen months? He, of all people, should know… how it feels to be left out of the loop. How it feels to be so powerless. How it feels to not be depended upon.

He sure must remember that one last match they had when he finally beat her. Back then they were—what—ten or eleven? Doesn't he really miss the 'chan' he stopped using after that?

He wanted to get stronger—and he did.

She wanted to get stronger too—but fate was never really reasonable.

Kurosaki Ichigo… he doesn't know what they must feel like… but she almost, _almost_ wishes he knew how she felt about him.

She stops in her tracks. And turns around again. Maybe it's time she stopped taking that roundabout way. Maybe it's time she faced it. Gathered herself up and walked right past his house. And not look back. And not resent the fact that she's always been on the other side of the line. Just a dash of destiny and she was erased. Blurred into a background and not required anymore.

Only, it's so, so hard to admit it. To get on and be content with all she is, all she has. And she almost, almost wishes he knew how she felt about him.

No.

Not today.

She turns back again. It's okay. For one more day, she'll take the longer way back home. For just _one_ more day, she'll avoid walking past that house.

And she runs straight into a tall red-head with freakish tattoos and crashes to the ground on her butt. The guy offers a hand up. He'd so be a delinquent… only if she didn't know what that black kimono meant. Only, if it were freakin' normal to roam around like that with a crazy looking katana.

She accepts the help and grabs his hand to stand up. The next thing _he_ knows, he's on the ground with a jaw throbbing with pain. The spikey haired girl's eyes are smoldering with hate. It's all she can do to keep herself from shaking. The punch really hit so hard, her clenched fist feels bruised. Clenched so, so tight, the knuckles are white with lack of circulation.

And she'd so like to beat _this_ guy black and blue.

Because _they_ are what made him what he is today. _They_ are responsible for everything that's wrong with her life today. _They_ took it all away from her.

And it's the first time that she's really decided that it's okay if he doesn't know how she feels about him. He doesn't need to. She's gonna walk right past his house and not give a shit about it. Certainly. This isn't an _almost_.

Only… it's not that easy to just walk away after punching a delinquent red-head with a crazy katana…

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**A/N: I'm writing this while listening to "Goodbye my almost lover" by A Fine Frenzy. And this fic completely doesn't make sense I don't know why I wrote something so random (I'll sob about it in a corner later)**

**I'm not sure if this should be a one shot or I want to extend it into an actual TatsuRen. I'll decide when I'm in my senses. Right now, I feel kinda high (no, I only had half a glass of coke)**

**Enough with my babble though.**

**Thank you for reading!**

**Reviews will be much appreciated.**


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer: I don't own Bleach. If I did, there'd be canon pairs—a **_**lot**_** of them.**

**A/N: yes, I decided to continue this previously-angsty-one-shot to a full TatsuRen hate-story. Because I had more coke. Just kidding, I got an abstract idea as to their encounter so yeah, this is the product. It's just coming in absolutely random tidbits to my head. But I'm really hoping I can keep up the updates for at least this fanfic. Pray for my motivation… or you could just leave a review, yeah.**

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Insane

"What the hell, crazy woman?" the red-head twists her arm behind her back. He wouldn't just let her walk away after being punched like that. Forget humiliation. Abarai Renji has always been the curious kind. Besides, it's been quite a while since he's been punched like _that_. Sure, it hurt like bitch. Last he remembers, it was Rukia—that midget sure is a monster—who punched him this hard. Oh, Renji can so make people mad. But, wow, this time it didn't even take effort.

"Let go of me," the girl growls, trying to wriggle out of his hold. Maybe one punch wasn't enough to vent out the frustration she's been keeping bottled up for so long. But that just made her decide things. And now, she's really so damned _eager_ to walk past his house. If only the delinquent, red-haired, tattoo-freak, shinigami scum would take his _filthy_ hands off of her.

"You don't just crash into random strangers and _punch_ them when they offer you help," he says, twisting her arm just a bit harder. Not that he enjoys bullying people. But he just doesn't understand what to make of this kind of human behavior. "Last I checked, that's downright rude."

"What _do _you want?" oh, that's a stupid question indeed. After all that they _have_ taken away, there isn't much they should be needing, is there? And he calls _her_ rude. Hypocrite. That's the kind of company Ichigo's been with… no wonder he's become one of them. But she _has _decided… she isn't giving a damn anymore. Now, if only the monkey-face would let her _go_.

"What do _I_ want?" he grimaces. Women in the world of the living are strange creatures. Really. Not that he knows many. There's one he knows… who makes almost impossible food—if you _can_ call it food at all—with god-knows-what ingredients. Now, there is this one, who punches random guys—and punches them real_ hard_—and walks away. It's settled then, he _really_ doesn't need to know more than two. Now, what he wants is something very simple—not just in human terms. "An apology maybe…?"

"Forget it," she says, voice steady. Though there's so much of anger seeping in in her acid voice. So much malice. She almost didn't know it existed there. And she's so, so bitter… it's as if she's a different person altogether. Almost can't recognize her own self. "I will _never_ forgive you Shinigami scum."

"What the… _I_ ain't apologizing, woman. I'm asking for _your_ apology," uh-huh, there's been an apparent misunderstanding with the words. But then—oh… Renji has always been a little slow on the uptake… but this has to be complete foolishness. He's been _talking_ to a _human_ girl, not even realizing the fact. "You—you can see me…"

"New flash!" she mutters, tugging at her arm but he's still gotten such a freakin' tight grip on her, it's almost starting to hurt.

"I—I mean… you can see me and… wait you know about shinigami?" he wonders if his brain's rusting. So, so slow on the uptake. "How…?"

"Just my luck I happen to know a certain strawberry," she rolls her eyes. She didn't really need to tell him. But the guy looks so clueless, she almost feels sorry for directing all her hate on him. _Almost_.

"O-oh…" he stares at her. Yes, now he realizes why she looked kind of familiar. He's seen this girl around with Ichigo and Orihime. She goes to the same school. It's almost like that one punch has rather brought her out of that background he associated with Ichigo and his pack of unusual friends. So… Renji has only been to their school like—what—once or twice…? Now, he's an expert when it comes to making people mad… but he has to think back on what he could have possibly done to piss this midget off. There isn't any particular incident he can place her with. Heck, he doesn't even remember her name— "Kurokawa… Ayuzawa?"

She just about wants to punch him again but then there is this deafening roar that completely throws them off. And then the monster materializes ten feet away. One of those kinds that she's seen them fight once in a while. Oh, she hates those ugly creatures.

"Hold on," the red head hauls her up easily with one arm. The revenge for punch could come later. He'd just completely forgotten about why he'd been there in the first place. The hollow alert. Apparently Ichigo and Rukia had been quite busy. So the responsibility falls on him. Right. Need to take care of the hollow first.

"Put me down, you…" she struggles, throwing him off-balance and landing on her knees.

"Wait, you need to get away from here," he shouts. The girl just hardly throws him a glance. So defiant. So, so freakin' stubborn. Renji has to admit, if anything, she must be as good at getting onto people's nerves as he is. Ichigo sure has some tough luck. "You don't know those creatures…"

"Sure I do," she says, nonchalantly. She wouldn't really want to appear stupid. And before the guy can reach out, she's already launched herself at the hollow, throwing all the kicks and punches that she can. That frustration that she's let build inside for so long. Great time to get rid of it. The red-head just gapes with open mouth as she climbs up and up, hitting the hollow with all the power. If she were a shinigami, he could swear Sui Feng taichou would love her. And her punches must hurt like bitch. Because the monster is howling and getting more agitated by the minute.

She's just almost exhausted all her punches on the ivory-hard mask of the hollow, she's sure she's gonna hit the sidewalk—hard—as it flings her off like a fly that's been persistently annoying for a while.

Only, the impact she's bracing herself for never comes. The red-head catches her clean against his chest as his other hand swings the zanpakutou—now extended in its crazy jagged shape—and slashes the hollow in half.

"Has anyone ever told you…" he says as they watch it crumble to dust and fade, "… that you're insane?"

Tatsuki could grunt, punch him again, or just walk away—each of which sound like equally good options. The last thing she wants right now is a lecture on how stupid that was. Sure, she's insane. Ichigo must tell her that. Orihime must tell her that. It was just so hard to stand there doing nothing after seeing that monster. The whole episode of Orihime protecting her flashed by and Tatsuki has decided she's so, so _done_ with that. Done with being so incapable. Done with being the protected one all the time. Nonetheless, they must say she's insane.

Only, when she actually looks at him, the shinigami is grinning ear-to-ear as if he's seen, like, the most amusing show this world had to offer. So, she guesses there isn't any lecture about her being careless coming straight out of _that _mouth. She decidedly likes insane better. Very well, she can do insane.

"Or you could just say… I'm strong," she throws a casual punch but the element of surprise must not be on her side any longer. Or maybe the red-head just has good instincts.

"Yeah, well…" he grins. Strong. That's one thing Abarai Renji respects. Well, some habits from the eleventh division just always remain with you. Strong can do. That settles it then. He's been so, so bored cooped up in that tiny room of Ichigo's and killing hollows for any fun. Yep, he decides strong can do. "Care to demonstrate?"

Tatsuki has to admit she's never been so impressed by anyone cracking his knuckles at her. Only, it's the middle of a street and he's a goddamned shinigami. Not to mention, she just barely has enough energy to take the shortest way back home.

"Sure," she says and there's this glint in her eyes that completely does him in. He doesn't know why or what it is that she has against shinigami… but she must really, _really_ hate his race so much. Which means he better prepare for it or he's going to get his ass kicked—and kicked real hard. "Come find me at the dojo when you want."

"Right," he smirks as the spikey-haired girl starts walking away, not once looking back at him.

"The name's Arisawa, by the way. Arisawa Tatsuki,"

"Abarai Renji."

"Right."

"Insane," they mutter under their breaths as they walk away in opposite directions, not sparing another glance.

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**A/N: well, that was more conversation than I'd really expected. I'm wondering if Tatsuki is a bit OOC here—what with all that angst and all. I guess, that's my own frustration for her character coming out.**

**In any case, yay to my first multi-chapter TatsuRen! It's been long overdue, considering I ship these two so hard. And I love hate-stories.**

**Well, anyway, thank you for reading.**

**Please leave a review.**


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